UFC Fighters Caught in Tender Embrace

Thousands of spectators were shocked into silence at the Ultimate Fighting Championship’s Thursday night main event as the two combatants became entwined in a passionate, lustful embrace midway through the fight, bringing the normally frenetic action to a screeching halt as the powerless referee did his best to pry the fighters apart and put an end to the homoerotic display.

Onlookers report that the two whispered sweet nothings as they held each other ever so gently, the looks on their faces exhibiting the painful joy of young lovers caught in the throes of ecstasy. As the majority of fight fans averted their eyes and parents bravely leapt in front of their young children in a futile attempt to spare them from the sickening demonstration of male love, flashbulbs crackled ringside, forever immortalizing the monumental moment in UFC history.

“We’ve always suspected that a number of fighters are closeted homosexuals hiding behind facades of violence and testosterone,” stated UFC VP of Public Relations Al Greenburg, “but we never imagined this suspicion would be confirmed by two sweaty athletes making a bedroom of the fighting cage.”

The initial response from fans was mostly outrage.

“We come to these fights to see trained killing machines beat each other into bloody, mangled unconsciousness. If I wanted to watch a bunch of fairies prance around I’d turn on a rerun of Frasier. My daughter had to witness that for crying out loud. Now she’s gonna ask me why I never caress barely clothed men. What am I supposed to tell her?” wondered Dale Fitz, who had indeed brought his 7-year-old daughter Megan to the fight.

25-year-old fan and fighter-in-training Brian Skeparski commented “what a bunch of gay bags. Of course I still want to be a fighter, but the kick ass kind. Not the homo kind.”

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