Hip-Hop Artist Doesn’t Own a Gun

In an embarrassing and potentially career-ending admission made late Thursday, prominent hip-hop artist Mike Jones revealed that he has never even shot a handgun, let alone possess the large arsenal of “steel” which he claims to “flash” when “foos try to run up on him.”

Caught on camera at an exclusive Los Angeles nightclub and now widely played on the internet, Mr. Jones announced during his “crunk”-induced confession that he has never, in fact, “shot shots till your teeth missing” or “packed a ruger and got to spraying like Freddy Kruger…Mike Jones.”

His street cred in serious jeopardy, Mr. Jones now finds himself in the precarious position of having “a bunch of haters up in his grill,” confident in the knowledge that he isn’t going to bust a cap in anyone’s ass.

Reached at home for comment, Mr. Jones expressed frustration at what he deemed “a lack of respek” from fellow hip-hop artists and their entourages, which consist mostly of overpaid, untalented hype-men and old neighborhood playmates.

“Mike Jones is just aksin’ all the haters to recognize that Mike Jones be livin’ the thug life. Mike Jones still slap a ho, Mike Jones still smokin’ weed and ridin’ whips. But Mike Jones don’t think guns is the answer. They create a self-perpetuating cycle of violence and lead to the degeneration of society as a whole. Believe dat.”

Mr. Jones went on to add:

“Mike Jones.”