Cheaters Never Prosper (Unless They Do – And Mostly They Do)

The world is full of cheaters. Their names, faces and nefarious deeds dominate print journalism, the nightly news, and perhaps most prominently ESPN’s Sportscenter (played on a loop eight times daily).

Barry Bonds pursuit of the all-time home run record has an asterisk because it is allegedly fueled by performance-enhancing drugs (can we please be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that most 40+ home run hitters, not to mention most pitchers, do the same thing? And while we’re at it, can we stop making Hank Aaron into some sort of national hero? His career was mired in mediocrity, and he was on amphetamines the whole time).

One cyclist after another has fallen off the pedestal of athletic greatness as allegations of doping become increasingly rampant, most recently claiming the careers of favored Kazakh cyclist Alexander Vinokourov and his team.

Even the integrity of the NBA is being called into question as referee Tim Donaghy stands accused of betting on games he was officiating. I personally think the idea of integrity in the NBA is laughable. Kobe Bryant, Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson, and rumors that most players show up to games high took care of that.

With all these cheaters, thank goodness “cheaters never prosper.”

Wait…yes they do. Mom, you lied to me.

I’d be hard pressed to come up with more than a handful of instances where a cheater didn’t prosper. Yes, these athletes may endure public scorn and ridicule, but at the end of the day Bonds and friends are still taking home fat paychecks, no one is reclaiming the cyclists’ endorsement deals, and Donaghy is destined to become a notorious media sensation in the mold of Joey Buttafuoco, JonBenet Ramsey murder suspect John Mark Karr, or besmirched Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez. It’s just a matter of time before he signs his book deal.

Bill Clinton cheated on his wife and he’s one of America’s most beloved politicians. Martha Stewart cheated the stock market and she’s more popular now than before her prison term.

I won’t go so far as to sat cheaters always prosper. The academic fraud of the Minnesota Gophers basketball team, Tanya Harding’s banishment from the U.S. Figure Skating Association, and Pete Rose’s lifetime ban from the MLB Hall of Fame attest to this.

But most of the time they do. Moral of the story: cheat whenever possible.

Thanks for reading.