The Real Sickos

A recent piece of headline-grabbing news has been the settlement of sexual abuse lawsuits in which the Archdiocese of Los Angeles has agreed to pay $660 million to appease the claims of hundreds of victims.

My first thought when reading this bit of news settled on the irony of the Catholic Church finding itself in the position of needing to buy atonement from the people, a paradox Vonnegut himself would’ve envied. Imagine, the embodiment of moral superiority humbled at the feet of the very people it holds itself so much above. The institution which introduced the tradition of buying forgiveness needs to buy forgiveness. Do you suppose this is a display of ingenious foresight by the founders of Catholicism, or just a case of what goes around comes around?

More importantly, do you think we could excommunicate the Catholic Church? (Now there’s a logical conundrum.)

My thoughts then strayed to the following question: I realize the Catholic Church has an adequate supply of money, but where in the world will they get $660 million (without going bankrupt)?

Then I stumbled across a disturbing, intrinsically sick piece of information: Churches buy sex-abuse insurance.

I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself... Good, now we can collectively ask the question we’re all waiting to ask:

What?!?

That’s right. The Catholic Church, maybe knowing that they’re a bunch of pervs and that their policy of no booty in the priesthood breeds sexual misconduct, takes out extra insurance policies to cover their sexual abuse lawsuits.

According to the information I found (supplied by GuideOne, a major church insurance provider) churches may pay anywhere from $100 a year for a $100,000 policy at a small church to tens of thousands a year for multi-million dollar coverage at a megachurch. For the most part, the policies protect just the institution. If the individual accused is found guilty or chooses to settle out of court, they’re typically on their own.

The adjectives you could use to describe this practice are plentiful (feel free to write in with your own). I think it’s damn near the sickest thing I’ve ever heard. The church is supposed to be a place that people can trust. It’s supposed to provide a bedrock for the needy, the downtrodden, the distraught. It’s supposed to be a constant moral force in a society of relativity.

It’s not supposed to use its influence to take advantage of the vulnerable. The fact that they take out insurance policies as if sexual abuse were inevitable, as if it were an act of God in the vein of fire or flood, is a concrete demonstration of the corruption and perversion of God’s will that has become the Catholic Church.

Thanks for reading.