Special Report: Children No Longer Our Future

Watch this first:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

In a shocking and tragic pronouncement made by the International Tribunal for the Betterment of the Future (ITBOF), prominent world leaders and renowned researchers have rejected the long-held assertion that children are our future and now maintain that the best hope for future generations lies either in well-trained Rhesus Monkeys or a race of super-cyborgs capable of both human compassion and the cold-blooded, calculated elimination of a weaker species (humans).

Following the blundering, inane response from Miss Teen South Carolina to a question that could have been answered simply enough with a smile and a trite response such as “we need to improve our educational system,” ITBOF chairman Dr. Wesley Hammers confirmed for the first time what most competent individuals have long suspected: the children of today are far too inept to be trusted with a responsibility as grave as the survival of humanity.

Dr. Hammers commented “the reality of the situation is that these children in whom we have placed so much hope can barely function. Twenty years ago, we would have diagnosed the lot of them with mild retardation and sent them all to state institutions. Now we’re telling them they could one day be president. Hate to break it you kids, but we’ve learned our lesson about putting dumbasses in office. Fool me once, shame on me, no you, fool me twice...the point is, if you fool me once I won’t get fooled again.”

Dr. Hammers attributes the dumbing-down of America’s children to a number of factors, including the dim-witted lyrics of favorite pop stars, the oblivious behavior of beloved pseudo-celebrities, and the latest phenomenon to sweep the country: High School Musical. “With so much foolishness entering their minds every day, what hope is there for children to escape the clutches of stupidity?” Dr. Hammers mournfully pondered this question as he watched a group of 9-year-old test subjects repeatedly punch each other in the testicles.

Even Whitney Houston has given up on the idea that “the children are our future,” declaring that her hit song “Greatest Love of All” has turned out to be “complete rubbish.” She went on to say that “crack is whack.”

Thanks for reading.