Consumer Report: Cheaper to Sleep With Paris Hilton than in the Paris Hilton

Due in large part to the strength of the Euro, coupled with the approaching tourist season and a recent boom in international travel, travel agencies are reporting that it is now cheaper to sleep with the hotel heiress and reality TV star Paris Hilton than it is to spend a night in the posh Paris Hilton.

The swanky hotel, located on the elegant avenue de Suffren right next to the Eiffel Tower, can command in excess of €350 ($470) a night. It boasts 461 modern rooms with wireless internet access, marble bathrooms and views of the Eiffel Tower, as well as several restaurants, bars, and a garden terrace.

The pricetag on a night with the heiress, meanwhile, can range anywhere from nothing when she is feeling insecure, lonely, or media-starved to a wink and an empty compliment (such as “you’re hot” or “I think you’re so smart”) when she is feeling like her spoiled, promiscuous self. The highest price ever paid was a half liter of Smirnoff and a stick of Juicy Fruit by Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos.

Reached for comment, family patriarch Barron Hilton shrugged his shoulders and mused “The Paris Hilton is recognized as one of the finest, most elegant hotels in the world. We pride our establishments on luxury, comfort, and service. My granddaughter, on the other hand, is a dirty, dirty tramp.”