This season was my first for the hit Fox show “24,” and I’m pleased to say it will probably be my last. I don’t claim to be ultra-busy or pretend to have even moderately more important things to do than watch this testosterone injected soap opera. Truthfully, time spent not watching “24” would most likely be squandered anyway, but at least I won’t have committed an hour (or two) every week to a show that promises patriotic displays of courage, honor and loyalty, and inevitably disappoints.
The primary problem with this show, for me, is that so few of the characters have any moral fiber, integrity, or sense of justice, and as a result I find myself spending every episode (particularly last night’s barrage of tedium) hoping that many of them will die painful, bloody deaths.
Unfortunately, this distaste for the characters on the show extends well beyond the maniacal villains we are supposed to root against. Of course I think Jack’s father Phillip should have gotten a bullet in the head (too bad we didn’t see him die, which naturally means he’s not dead), but is it wrong that I think his nephew Josh is a whiny little wuss and found myself wishing he wouldn’t quite make it off that oil platform? Or that his sister-in-law (and don’t even get me started on the weird sexual tension there) Marilyn is an illogical, hysterical bimbo that should have been killed at about 2:30 in the afternoon when she led Jack into an ambush.
Of course the politicians are a slimy bunch of weasels; I just wish the show runners wouldn’t try to humanize them. Vice President Daniels is the filthiest of the bunch, and in the finale he tries to pull our sympathy strings (not gonna work, at least on me). Are we really supposed to feel bad for his difficult position as interim commander-in-chief when he did everything in his power to put himself there? I’m sorry the Russians are mounting an army near one of your military bases for something completely out of your control…oh, wait, you were prepared to nuke the entire Middle East for the actions of one terrorist cell. I guess what goes around really does come around. And then there’s Tom Lennox, a career flip-flopper riding on the shoulders of whoever happens to be in power. Sure he did a good thing convincing Daniels to pardon Karen Hayes, but I don’t buy for a second that he wouldn’t have done just the opposite if it served his political interests.
And then we get to CTU. This group is our last defense against terrorism. They embody patriotism, courage…or are they mindless drones following any ill-conceived order that comes their way? Once Bill Buchanan is relieved of duty (one character I actually liked) we get to see the true colors of his temporary replacement, Nadia Yassir. Apparently plagued with a complete lack of a moral compass, we get to spend most of the season watching her botch every important decision, cowering behind protocol, and sniveling all along that she’s just following orders. And then in the finale Buchanan has the audacity to patronize her (and ostensibly all of us) by telling her that she did a good job. BS. Around every corner she was given an opportunity to convince us she wasn’t spineless, and she disappointed time and time again. She should have died instead of Milo (that guy got shot and was back to work in two hours. Impressive.) I like Morris alright as a character, but let’s not forget he enabled nuclear weapons. He too, had a chance to redeem himself when CTU was under siege, and should have heroically died saving Chloe, but either the writers didn’t think of that or inexplicably decided we couldn’t part with the Aussie (believe me, we could have). Most frustrating of them all was Agent Doyle. It seems to me that a prerequisite to becoming a CTU agent would be some capacity for independent thought, but it’s exactly Doyle’s breed of mindless robotism that will usher in Big Brother (read George Orwell’s 1984) and be the doom of us all.
No wonder Jack left this team of lackeys in his dust.
Now I salute you, “24.” You wasted an entire day of my life, and I will never get it back. Adieu.
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