The NBA Finals: Why I Won't be Watching

The San Antonio Spurs have won three championship rings in the last eight years. They have arguably the NBA’s most consistently dominant big man in Tim Duncan. They have one of the most feared defensive stoppers in the league in Bruce Bowen. They have a quick, penetrating point guard in Tony Parker and an electric, international spark plug in Manu Ginoblii. Over the last decade they have been the model for consistency and success.

The Cleveland Cavaliers have the future of the game. King James is hands down the most athletically gifted player currently playing in the NBA, and arguably of all time. They have an exciting backcourt tandem of Larry Hughes and Daniel Gibson. They have a shot blocking presence in Zydrunas Ilgauskas. They have successfully built a team around their superstar, and have made it to the finals for the first time in their 37 year history.

The story lines are all there. One of the NBA’s premier scorers matching up against one of the premier defenders. The Cavs’ staunch, ever-improving help and recover rotating defense verses Parker’s attacks to the basket. The league’s best finesse big men trying to outwit each other in the paint. Should be a tremendous series.

But I won’t be watching.

On paper this is an intriguing match-up. In reality it’ll be extraordinarily, intolerably tedious. Both of these teams are overly cautious, monotonous, and quite frankly boring. They run set offenses and never deviate from the game plan. San Antonio has little hope of changing this fact. They are not an athletic team. But there is no reason Cleveland doesn’t run and gun.

I’ve been reading articles in various sports sources (ESPN.com, the Star Trib) that have tried to hype this series as the Old School versus the New School; traditional San Antonio with their efficient, effective offense against the future of the game. On paper this may be true, but whoever is writing these stories clearly doesn’t watch any basketball. If they did they would know that Cleveland plays the exact same game as San Antonio, just not as well (even Cleveland coach Mike Brown has confessed he idolizes Greg Popovich and has lifted much of his strategy from the Spurs). They emphasize defense, they run set, half court offenses. It’s a game of precision and accuracy. Yes, Cleveland has the future superstar of the NBA, but this doesn’t make them fun to watch.

Oh, there are intriguing story lines in this series: which Lebron will show up to play? The 20 point-scoring, 20% field goal shooting deadbeat posing as King James in games 1-4 and then again in 6 of the Conference Finals or the unstoppable force from game 5? Will Ginoblii be a catalyst to energize a comatose Spurs team or a reckless fool dribbling the ball off his feet and watching it bounce out of bounds? How will Bowen slow Lebron/ how many bruises will Lebron have on his forearms from Bowen’s hacking? Will the refs ever get sick of Duncan’s incessant, passive-aggressive whining? But these story lines are all more of an annoyance than a reason to watch.

So in the upcoming weeks as the NBA Finals are raging on I will stick to America’s Got Talent and Deal or No Deal: entertainment television at its finest.