Area Husband Insensitive About Piss on Toilet Seat, Floor

A potentially marriage-ending argument erupted early Tuesday morning after Margaret Haskins, 42, awoke to the buzzing of her alarm, stumbled in a groggy stupor to use the bathroom and sat down on the porcelain seat, completely unaware of the pool of urine that had appeared overnight. Shocked into alertness by the tepid liquid which dampened her ass and the bottoms of her feet, Mrs. Haskins proceeded to scream a string of obscenities which woke her husband, Hank, along with most of the neighborhood.

Mrs. Haskins went on to accuse her husband of being a careless, lazy, disgusting slob as she hurled her yellowing, piss-soaked socks in his direction. She then claimed, as tears formed in the corners of her eyes, that if he couldn’t be more considerate of her feelings they may be better off going their separate ways.

Mr. Haskins, not disagreeing, denied all wrongdoing in the incident. Believing himself to have above-average accuracy, he blamed the mysterious overnight pissing on everything from the couples’ not yet potty-trained son to their cat, Mr. Bojangles. Mr. Haskins went on to assert that it wasn’t pee at all, but the fault of a leaky toilet (despite the stench and rich yellow tint), that it was his animal instinct to mark his territory, and that he was the man of the house and he would piss on the toilet seat if he damn well pleased.

Reports indicate that Mr. Haskins has been peeing sitting down ever since.