Bush Accuses Forefathers of Hating America

President George W. Bush held a widely publicized press conference Monday afternoon to make official his accusation that all of the country’s founding fathers, as well as all presidents that came before him, hated America and should be tried, posthumously if need be, for treason.

“These men are guilty of drafting the American Constitution, which has proven time and time again to be one of America’s biggest security threats. All those prickly little Amendments that strip the president of his authority to spy on civilians and revoke Habeas Corpus…they are an affront to our national security. They allow countless immigrants into this country without so much as a wire tap or a homing device. These immigrants will blow up our children. It is the job of the American president to protect democracy, and by limiting his ability to do so, our founding fathers show their true colors as haters of America. If the president can’t indiscriminately imprison men without trial, how is he supposed to protect their freedoms? If the American President and his executive branch can’t lie to the American people, the terrorists have already won.”

This announcement came as a surprise to most political theorists and historians, who regard the drafters of the Constitution as American heroes and the originators of democracy.

When Bush was asked if he lumps his father into the guilty group, he responded without hesitation: “It is with great remorse that I accuse my own father of treason, (a crime punishable by death), but he is guilty by acceptance. He made none of the great strides that I have to overturn the Constitution, and thereby showed his un-American support for it.”

Reached for comment, Bush Sr. shook his head as he mused “Little Georgie is not a smart man."