Shouldn’t it be Warmer?

I woke up on Saturday morning to a winter wonderland. The ground was covered with snow, my car was covered with frost, and I was cold, literally and figuratively (as in, the numbness in my outer extremities was outdone only by the numbness of my summer-lusting soul). We do live in Minnesota, so such weather occurrences are to be expected. But it’s the end of April. And I was promised global warming.

Scientists have been telling us for years that the arctic ice is melting, polar bear habitats are disappearing, penguins are sipping Mai Tais while lounging in Tommy Bahama cabana wear. The warming trend is now reaching catastrophic proportions. Stronger weather systems are creating increasingly destructive tropical storms. Lengthy droughts are leading to widespread famine. Aforementioned melting ice is leaving elevated water levels. The apocalypse is nigh.

But really, April 26 and I can’t get a barbeque worthy day? I want explanations, damnit.

I’m no scientist and on the facts I’m sketchy at best, but I can’t help but suspect that global warming is a whole heap of rubbish. Throughout the history of the planet Earth there have been countless climactic shifts. These are well documented and scientifically accepted.

What caused the ice age? Methane emanating from Mammoth asses? And what about the warming that inevitably arrived with the end of the ice age? Would today’s scientists have spurred a panic then? New research reveals that 70,000 years ago the human race nearly went extinct due to a massive drought. The entire species was confined to small pockets of Africa. Did this die-off coincide with the discovery of fire?

No. These shifts were the result of the ebb and flow of the planet’s climate. Natural causes. Unfortunately, a focus on long-term patterns doesn’t win grants, voices of reason don’t get air time on the evening news. So even in the world of science we’re left with fear-mongering and panic-jockeying.

I’m not suggesting that global warming is pure fiction, but I am suggesting that it’s far too soon for us to fully understand the repercussions of our beloved chlorofluorocarbons, and it’s awfully presumptuous of us to believe we fully understand the whims and subtleties of our 4.5 billion year old planet.

The basis for global warming theory is the idea that “greenhouse gases” prevent warm air from dissipating in the atmosphere, leading to a rise in temperatures globally. But why do we assume that greenhouse gases trap warm air in? Couldn’t they just as plausibly keep the sun’s heat out? Could global warming be explained, at least partially, by the booming population? I’ve got to believe that billions of extra sweating, farting human beings heats things up pretty quick. Would scientists then advocate mass executions (won’t somebody show a little mercy for the polar ice caps)? Hell, maybe Mother Earth is trying to reduce us to ashes because she’s tired of our egoism.

It’s a poignant demonstration of our self-important, narcissistic nature to believe that our actions can irrevocably alter the course of the planet, while in ages past dramatic events (obscene, inexplicable climate changes, mass extinctions) were completely attributed to natural causes. We’re so refined and sophisticated and smart that our insignificant little deeds must have some impact. Right?

This, in my opinion, remains to be seen.

But really, what difference does it make? Stewardship of the planet is a shared responsibility that we are born into. We all know that pollution is a problem. The smog that hangs over major cities is real, as is the startling asthma rate. The extinction of species caused by blatant disregard hurts us all, and deprives future generations of their right to live a fully realized life. There’s no excuse for lining the ocean floor with plastic grocery bags and dirty diapers.

Why is this not enough to shake us from apathy? Why do I need a cataclysmic event to spur me into action? Threats of incineration shouldn’t be necessary to convince me that I should ride a bike every once in a while.

But truth be told, even such outlandish threats prove insufficient. You could tell the general population that they would die immediately if they neglected their environmental responsibilities, and I’m betting a quarter would still refuse to walk 50 extra feet to find a recycling can. We are an odd species.

Thanks for reading.