Barack Obama Throws Reverend Wright Under Bus Figuratively, Literally

Late last week Presidential hopeful Barack Obama, seeking to distance himself from what has become a political train-wreck, threw his former spiritual leader Reverend Jeremiah Wright under the proverbial bus, condemning the incendiary statements of the good reverend as “divisive and destructive,” not “accurately portraying the perspective of the black church,” and “giving comfort to those who prey on hate.”

But fearing this symbolic denunciation wouldn’t be enough to dispel the apprehensions of race-weary voters, campaign manager David Plouffe convinced a reluctant Obama to literally throw the spiteful, spotlight hungry old man under a fast moving city bus, effectively silencing Reverend Wright and proving to voters once and for all that he no longer considered his pastor a close personal friend.

In a statement released after the gory incident, Obama lamented that “it’s unfortunate the situation escalated to such dire necessities, but if forcing the wrinkled old body of a largely irrelevant and historically ignored fringe theologian under the moving wheels of a fully loaded and incredibly heavy city bus was necessary to prove once and for all that I don’t hate white people, which should have been obvious since I was raised by a white mother and white grandparents, enjoy soy lattes and exotic cheeses, and have not once in my life said the word ‘aks,’ then so be it.”

The radical move serves the secondary purpose of demonstrating to timid Democratic superdelegates that Obama is prepared to play hardball against Hillary Clinton to secure the DFL nomination and, perhaps more importantly, will do what it takes against John McCain in the November election. “I’ve taken the first step by throwing Reverend Wright under a bus,” Obama declared at a rally in North Carolina, “now who’d like to see McCain crushed by the wheels of the Straight Talk Express?”

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