Menopausal Clinton Calls for Global Warming Study to Explain Hot Flashes

Junior Senator and presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton introduced a bill to the senate floor Monday afternoon in an effort to secure funding for a new global warming study. She expects that the study, to be conducted by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), will show the links between climate change and the hot flashes she has been experiencing in recent months.

Addressing the senate, Clinton spoke of feeling intense waves of heat, particularly at night, which leave her feeling sweaty and irritable. She believes that the unexplained periods of intense heat, which last anywhere from ten minutes to several hours, have a direct correlation to the increase of greenhouse gases and will definitively establish global warming as scientific fact.

She also believes that her back pain, fatigue, and urinary incontinence are caused by increased levels of toxic pollutants in the air, claiming that unacceptable levels of carbon emissions are the reason she, from time to time, wets herself and begins bawling uncontrollably.

Former president Bill Clinton seemed optimistic about the proposal: “Hopefully the EPA will also be able to tell me why my wife is such a cold, calculating bitch.”

Thanks for reading.


P.S. Apologies for the absence last week. I spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday at the country music festival WeFest (more on that to come).

P.S.S. Look for the unveiling of the next Zizzle-Zot Reader of the Month in coming days.

P.S.S.S. Prayers out to anyone affected by the bridge collapse.