Grown Man Soils Himself in Joke Gone Awry

Over the weekend Milwaukee resident Donald Hester, 47, reportedly shit his pants, effectively ruining the 10th annual Hester Family Reunion, after eating a meal of bratwursts and baked beans, washing it down with a six pack of Milwaukee’s Best, and spending the rest of the evening requesting that young relatives “pull his finger.”

Attempting to solidify his reputation as “Crazy Uncle Don,” Mr. Hester devoted much of the reunion to this sophomoric, though tried and true, joke in which he would hold out his index finger for a young Hester to grab hold of at which time he would forcibly expel the loudest fart he could manage.

In the early stages the gag was working exactly as hoped, drawing delighted applause from nephews, girlish giggles from nieces and admonishing glares from adults. The plan turned sour, however, when Mr. Hester experienced an unsettling rumble from deep in his bowels and noticed that his gaseous releases were becoming increasingly noxious, to the point that Mr. Hester himself would quickly retreat from the fallout zone after completing the act for fear of gagging on one of his own feces tinged fart particles.

Ready to retire the joke, Mr. Hester had just reentered the arena of adult conversation, becoming deeply engaged in a discussion about the weather with his older brother Joe Hester, when his youngest nephew Stevie, 6, approached and requested an encore performance. For Mr. Hester, the barely containable pressure now pushing on his rectum was surpassed only by the pressure of living up to the title “Crazy Uncle Don,” and he kindly obliged.

In a futile attempt to maintain the delicate balance of releasing an audible gas bubble while preventing any solids from sneaking out, Mr Hester bit his lip, closed his eyes, stuck his rear out ever so slightly (while careful to keep his buttocks clenched), and pushed.

But no fart would come. The surprised look on Mr. Hester’s face, the dark stain on the backside of his trousers, and the otherworldly stench emanating from “Crazy Uncle Don” (henceforth known as “Uncle Poopy Pants”) told the rest of the story.

Thanks for reading.


P.S. I realize there was some mega news today with Karl Rove announcing his resignation, effective August 31, but I needed to have a little fun, and how better than with a poo story?

Maybe I’ll put together a post discussing Rove’s departure, or maybe not. You’ll just have to wait and see…For now, my initial reaction: at least with Rove around somebody in the White House was making decisions. Now I’m not so sure.

If you want to know how I feel about Mr. Rove, check out these posts: http://erikgruber.blogspot.com/2007/05/heart-of-darkness.html and http://erikgruber.blogspot.com/2007/06/heart-of-darkness-karl-rove.html.