I'm back...Psych!

Sorry, that was mean. When was the last time someone used a psych joke? (not counting Raff. I know Raff loves 'em.)

But I did want to let you all know that I'm not gone completely, or for good. I'm currently fully entrenched in the world of fiction, which is largely alien territory, and it's going better than expected. Grad school applications are well under way, and perhaps more importantly I've got a few projects brewing that I'm pretty happy with.

I'll be back. I can't tell you when. But I'll be better for it.

In the meantime, I've been thoroughly enjoying Pat and Suzy Corc's London blog. I eagerly await the European beer tour.

Thanks for reading...

Hmmm...

I like people who challenge assumptions:

http://www.slate.com/id/2199810/

McCain the Snake

Do people actually like this guy, or is a lesser of two evils kind of thing?

http://www.nationinstitute.org/p/schanberg09182008pt1

Gotcha!

I usually hate this guy, but in this article David Brooks has succeeded where many have failed: he's managed to zing Barack Obama.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/29/opinion/29brooks.html?em

Bravo, David Brooks. The Zot and the ZZUPP are one step closer to reigning supreme.

Thanks for reading.

Forgive Me, I've Failed You

Sorry I've been so bad at this, guys. My mind has been elsewhere. On the bright side I'll soon have a shiny new pile of short stories. Or kindling.

Thanks for reading?

Poetry Slam

Here's a little flavor of what I've been into lately:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znIXyFh6dsI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF5Rnwx5X4I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tE-4k55Odug&feature=related

The first video is a little long (Anis Mojgani performs three different poems), but if you make it to Shake the Dust (#3), it will be well worth your while (and the first 2 are pretty kick-ass).

In the last one the guy does kind of a rambling intro before he gets into it, so you can skip the first 2:30 or so.

Just when I thought poetry was dead. Who knew?...

Thanks for reading.

WEFEST

Feelin' great in 2008!

Ummm...

Sorry folks, I've got nothing for ya today. I'm up to my neck in grad school research, and am working my ass off in an effort to get my writing to not suck so I can apply to schools and not get laughed at by the admissions committees.

Things That Make Me Want to Punch a Kitty

If you pay any attention to modern media, you face a daily deluge of idiocy that I fear our society may be growing numb to. Every self-proclaimed “expert” gets an op-ed piece or five minutes of air-time to preach on some supremely important cause, prophesize about our inevitable demise, or take umbrage at some perceived affront.

The latest example I submit to you comes from the op-ed pages of the esteemed New York Times. Our expert for the day, Steve Ross, is the “supervisor of behavioral and cognitive research at the Lester Fisher Center for the Study and Conservation of Apes at the Lincoln Park Zoo” (this wording is taken directly from the article, and makes it impossible to discern whether Mr. Ross and the Lester Fisher Center’s mission is concerned with the study and conservation of apes as a species (and the center happens to be located at the Lincoln Park Zoo), or merely with the study and conservation of the apes housed at the Lincoln Park Zoo. In my humble opinion (I concede I’m not an expert), if they’re having conservation problems at the Lincoln Park Zoo it may be a terrible zoo, and perhaps the animals would be better off in the wild.)

This little ambiguity aside, the aforementioned op-ed is perhaps the most…what’s the word I’m looking for…inane thing I’ve ever read. At first it didn’t even occur to me to take it seriously. I forgot where I was on the WWW and assumed I had somehow stumbled upon The Onion. But then I realized that Mr. Ross was serious. And this article was written to be read seriously. And it had been deemed serious enough by the NY Times, a traditionally serious publication, to consume valuable real estate on its pages.

They can’t be serious.

Read it for yourself here http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/21/opinion/21ross.html?th&emc=th and form your own opinion, but for those of you with actual things to do, or those reluctant to fill limited brain space with absurdity, I’ll sum up: In Chimps Aren’t Chumps, Mr. Ross finally takes a stance against that greatest of all evils: dressing Chimpanzees like people. That’s right, CareerBuilder.com, PG Tips Tea and producers of Ed (though they ought to apologize for a number of offenses beyond chimp exploitation), you people are monsters. My eyes have been opened to a new wickedness threatening the very fabric of society. Yes people are starving, being slaughtered in wars, sold into slavery. But these chimpanzees are wearing hats, sunglasses; are being put in humorous, personifistic situations for a cheap laugh (or more poignantly, to ask the age old question: what if people were monkeys? Or monkeys people? Oh the humanity…). It makes me sick. And if you’ve ever sent a Monk-e-mail, welcome to my shit list (kidding, I love ‘em. Please send more to grueri@bethel.edu).

Alright, I’m not being fair. Mr. Ross is looking to make an important point: chimpanzees are still an endangered species and people often forget this fact because commercials make their lives look so comfortable. They are intelligent, thoughtful creatures that should be afforded a degree of respect.
Perhaps I’ve keyed in on Mr. Ross because his sincerity on this (to me laughable) issue makes him an easy target. He’s vulnerable, there’s a chink in the armor, I can smell blood in the water (insert your own predator/prey metaphor). But his belief that chimps dressed as people are a major problem shows that he’s woefully out of touch with the real world.

And here’s the real kicker: Mr. Ross is hoping to protect chimpanzees from being dressed up in business attire and forced to sit in cubicles. It’s inhumane! It’s degrading! It’s beyond cruel! But I dress in business attire…and I sit in a cubicle. So who’s the real chimp (or chump?)

Mr. Ross believes that chimps deserve rights. They’re not that far removed from humans (on an evolutionary scale, a debate I’m not looking to start here) and should be granted certain civil liberties. But, not to be an unsympathetic bastard, if chimps deserve the same rights as me they also deserve the same responsibilities. If I can’t pick bugs and throw feces all day long, neither can they. Hear that, chimps of the world? Get a job. Maybe in advertising…

Now, my favorite passage: “Would we condone putting funny clothes on human children so that we could laugh at the way they look like subhuman buffoons?”

Yes, we would. It’s called Halloween.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. I’m considering making “Things That Make Me Want to Punch a Kitty” a recurring series. Thoughts?

Love or Something Like It

The closest I’ve ever been;
we met for drinks, a friend of a friend.
I took her hand (she had incredible skin),
said my name is, yours is?
I made her laugh; she drank like a man (gin).
I admired her shimmering smile, mine more a grin.
Again I took her hand (was this too fast?),
we talked about the present, past.
The table hid our knees, in secret brushing.
Our eyes met, my god, so cliché, both blushing.
I pondered War and Peace, she didn’t get it.
Well…that was quick.
My fickleness an unrelenting spring,
falling in and out of love: the damndest thing.

Beijing Infested with Overgrown, Martial Arts Loving Reptiles

Government officials have confirmed reports that an infestation of large, Renaissance-influenced and English-speaking turtles has been wreaking havoc on China’s largest city and site of the 2008 Summer Olympics, emerging from city sewers to decimate the pizza supply, stalk young female journalists and unleash so called “Turtle Power” on unsuspecting citizens.

This outbreak serves yet another blow to the great nation of China, hoping that the 2008 games would serve as its grand introduction as a major player on the international stage. The latest disaster in a series of unforeseen, purely coincidental environmental setbacks, the turtle debacle follows closely on the heels of rumors that the world’s top marathoners would decline to participate due to dangerous levels of air pollution and an invasion of unsightly green algae sludge floating atop the Yellow Sea.

The mutant turtles, according to eyewitnesses, are adolescent in demeanor, demonstrating a penchant for silly antics and catch phrases such as “cowabunga,” and wear colored eye bands, presumably to tell one another apart. They are highly skilled in the martial arts, well armed, and should be considered extremely dangerous. It is believed they are led by an equally oversized, wise beyond his years rat, though reports of the creature could not be confirmed.

Chinese scientists have yet to ascertain the origin of the turtles, though they speculate the mutation was caused by some sort of ooze, the chemical composition of which is a secret. They do emphasize, however, that the presence of these “teenage mutant ninja turtles” is only loosely related to China’s atrocious pollution problem.

Thanks for reading.

Gone Baby Gone

Sorry all, no new post this week. I'm heading to the Black Hills to visit Werd Yelof for the 4th. Have a great weekend!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. anyone want to take a stab at PCorc's Barack Obama questions? Anybody? Bueller? To be honest, now that he's gone back on his word on public financing, I'm getting ready to write him off. Not that it's a huge issue, and I recognize that by foregoing public financing he has a huge fundraising advantage, but it's a matter of principle. He claimed he was a supporter of public financing, and that he was going to work with his opponent to reform the system. I'm personally a huge fan of public financing because it limits the amount of money these people can spend on their campaigns. I think it's sick that our economy is in the dumps, people are starving globally because of soaring food prices, it costs $60 to fill up my car (which makes me want to cry), and these people are spending hundreds of millions of dollars on commercials, buttons and billboards. What's wrong with us?

Obama's right to say that the system is broken, but I say the fix is to give each candidate $50 million to start (still a ridiculous sum, but it's a start), and any dollar spent over that amount results in a disqualification. All of a sudden political races are focused on issues, not star power fundraising and lobbyist donations. Policitians will actually have to focus on the people they represent. Imagine...

The solution is not, as Obama would have us believe, to give candidates the right to spend convievably limitless sums of money. I don't really care if you can raise and blow $500 million in the 6 months before election day. It's a question of should you. All things considered, wouldn't a demonstration of fiscal restraint be wise?

This was a severe lapse in integrity for Obama and I'm having a tough time moving past it (especially when my initially high hopes and expectations are taken into account). But don't get too smug, McCainanites...he's no peach. We don't need me to air his dirty laundry to prove he has no soul, but that doesn't mean I won't.

Truthfully, I'm starting to have slightly disconcerting doubts about the viability of democracy. Winston Churchill once said "democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time." But I propose a new political philosophy: Intellectual Oligarchy. More on this to come...

Op-Ed

Check out this Op-Ed from the NY Times. Good stuff.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/25/opinion/25hart.html?th&emc=th

Reviews: A Potpourri

Over the last three weeks I’ve been lucky enough to enjoy several epochal cultural phenomena, and always eager to share that which has knocked my socks off, I submit to you all the following can’t miss works of art:

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer: To say this book blew my mind is an understatement, for it altered every idea I had about what a novel is, was, and could hope to be. To be honest, when I picked it up and read the synopsis I was skeptical at best. I have little tolerance for exploitation and I saw the plot, a young boy dealing with his father’s death in the World Trade Center, as exploitative schlock at its worst. But I’ve never read a book that dealt so poignantly with grief, human connection and self-knowledge. The book is everything at once: a wild adventure, a love story, a pacifist tome, a reflection on memory, a historical fiction, a comedy, a tragedy, etc. etc.

But in the end it’s the simple story of a boy seeking understanding, and it’s phenomenal. In a way, it’s depressing that the best possible novel has already been written. But you should read it anyway.

Henderson the Rain King, Saul Bellow: This book takes us into the heart of undiscovered Africa with Eugene Henderson, a middle-aged patriarch and wealthy heir seeking to burst his spirit’s sleep and quell the internal voice that screams I want I want I want. This book explores self-consciousness and happiness (or more specifically contentment). Is it enough to just get by, to live life and ask for nothing more, or by doing so are we suppressing our call for something better? This theme particularly resonated with me, and I suspect it will with some of you as well.

Ragtime, E. L. Doctorow: If you have even a minor interest in American History this book is worth checking out. Seamlessly weaving real historical figures (Houdini, J.P Morgan, Henry Ford, Emma Goldman) and fictional characters in early 1900’s New York, Ragtime is one of the more engaging narratives I’ve read.

Big Bang Theory: This CBS sitcom is fairly formulaic in the 30-minute laugher tradition, but in my opinion does it better than any other show on TV right now (The Office seems to have lost its bearings). It’ll never live up to Seinfeld or Arrested Development standards (and it follows more of a linear story line…think Friends), but in the huge pile of sitcom shit it definitely rises to the top. It has likeable characters, a funny premise and every word out of Sheldon’s mouth is comedic gold.

Viva la Vida, Coldplay: The progression of Coldplay’s career has been an interesting one for me. The first major release, Parachutes, was simple, sincere, not quite gritty but far from produced. Just four great musicians with serious melodic intuitions playing great songs. Guitars, piano and drums. No fanfare. No expectation. It was also the source of a few songs that remain my favorites to this day.

Then came A Rush of Blood to the Head, their sophomore effort that produced major pop hits, including Clocks and The Scientist, making Coldplay bonafide superstars and the heir apparent to U2. They turned political, donning the equality sign to show their support for Fair Trade. Lead singer Christopher Martin married Gwenyth Paltrow. They became rock stars, and celebrities.

In X&Y this newfound rock star status, and their efforts to meet expectations, showed a bit. Every song felt like an epic. The organ became a featured instrument. They sounded like they were trying to bear the weight of the world and right every injustice with each lyric. The music was still amazing, the melodies still spot on, but it was exhausting (and Chris Martin was starting to sound like more and more of a sissy with the falsetto. Don’t get me wrong, he’s got a good falsetto, but a little goes a long way).

Viva la Vida says f*%$ that. We’re four damned good musicians and this album’s for us. And by the way, you’re gonna like it. And I do. Sometimes it’s funky (Lovers in Japan), sometimes it’s bluesy (Cemeteries in London), sometimes it can only be described as twangy orchestral (Yes). At least one song ought to feature Ludacris (Lost), and the single Violet Hill is arguably Coldplay’s first true rocker (or close enough).

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Mr. A, thanks for the link in the last comments section. James Dobson is a douche and a fraud. Maybe I’ll bring back People of Note in his honor.

Clinton Backers Bolstering Negative Stereotypes

The latest chatter out of that special circle of hell reserved for poli-pundits is aflame with speculation that large groups of avid female Hillary Clinton supporters are so disillusioned by alleged “misogyny” during the primaries that they are threatening to defect to McCain in the general election.

I don’t grant this conjecture much credence, as it’s based largely on ambiguous polls and anecdotal evidence, and trust it will prove wholly ungrounded as we draw closer to November. The “survey group,” shadowy figures that have vaguely hinted they may leave the Democratic camp after Hillary’s loss, may well be the same ignorant West Virginians who still assert that Obama is a Muslim (sorry to generalize, West Virginia, but I’ve seen a number of interviews starring your residents that have made the state look, to put it bluntly, laughably uneducated. It’s tough to find such blatant racism in America these days, but your citizens are either too dumb or too bold (maybe on account of all the guns) to censor themselves on camera. If the shoe fits…) or bra burning Ferraro types who believe Obama has had all the breaks because he’s black (that’s a new one).

Despite my reservations about the plausibility of large swaths of Democratic defectors, the fact that this group of Hillary-gone-McCain backers exists, and is surprisingly vocal considering their lack of a public face or organization, raises some interesting questions about how well the Clinton campaign actually served the feminist cause.

Generations of women in power positions, politics and intellectual circles have had to dodge charges of being spiteful, bitter, and begrudging. They’ve had to prove that they’re capable of making rational, calculated decisions based on the best interests of those they serve and influence, putting petty squabbles aside. They’ve had to prove they aren’t illogical, emotional flakes persistently afflicted by bouts of PMS and dog-eat-dog b-word-iness.

These are unfair stereotypes, no doubt, but now we have a group of women willing to split their party and ignore their values because they feel slighted by media-bullies. Willing to self-sabotage their political efforts, throw the election and ostensibly everything their hero Mrs. Clinton has worked for, all in the name of vengeance. They are securing a reputation for themselves as illogical, emotional flakes.

Throughout the primaries, Obama backers were accused of following a cult of personality. But here we have Clinton supporters demonstrating that they either don’t understand or don’t care about the issues (on which Obama and Clinton are, in some instances, alarmingly close) and apparently backed the candidate as a deluded act of hero-worship

If the issue of race entered the discussion (such as Bill’s thinly veiled racism in comparing Obama to Jesse Jackson or the Reverend Wright fiasco or the multiple insinuations that Obama was a radical Muslim in disguise) Barack was accused of taking umbrage, of using race to his advantage, of playing the proverbial race card. But now we have the defeated party playing the “poor little girl excluded from the boys-club” card. The hypocrisy is exhausting and sickening. I have to wonder if these people feel truly wronged or if they’re just pouting because they didn’t get their way.

Too bad for feminism. It’s hard to kill stereotypes when you have members of your own ranks exemplifying them.

On the other hand, would I have voted for Hillary in the general should she have gotten the nod? Hell no! But I wouldn’t have played the race card either. I would, however, have played the “Hillary is a slimy, pandering, lying she-devil of a politician” card. Does this make me a hypocrite? Technically, no (I’m not a registered Democrat). Does it make me a misogynist? If misogyny is defined as: a dude who finds the prospect of another 8 years of Clinton chicanery absolutely nauseating, then sign me up.

Thanks for reading.

As a side note, did you all hear any of Obama’s weekend speech on the failures of young fathers? Yet another honest discussion of a serious social problem, and a confrontation most politicians wouldn’t have the cajones to take on at this stage in the game. Kudos.

Zizzle-Zot Buys Macbook, Feels Quite Smug

I make it no secret that I consider myself an elitist. I like big books, foreign films, theater, museums, fine dining, and to top it off I’m somewhat of a beer snob (I have no time for people who choose to drink Budweiser). I live in the arts community of Northeast Minneapolis. I think pop culture is slowly but steadily killing us. I think well over half of Americans are too dumb to govern themselves (scary, considering they make a majority), which is why I’m thankful we’re a constitutional republic and not a true democracy (attribution to Aaron Russo). I can’t comprehend the uproar over Barack Obama’s perceived elitism (would we really want a true populist – one who appealed to the lowest common denominator – to be president?)

Truthfully, the very nature of this blog is elitist, and by participating you all are, at the very least, elitists by implication. We have the audacity to criticize the world, to discuss moral absolutes, to philosophize on better ways. We have liberal arts educations. Our idea of a good time is Star Wars: Epic Duels (oh wait, that just makes us nerds). Regardless, we’re firmly entrenched in the elitist camp.

Unfortunately, I find myself lacking several of the trademarks of a true elitist. My car isn’t a hybrid (that’s right, it’s powered by old-fashioned gasoline, and to be honest I suspect hybrids are only a few steps above ethanol on the “stupid ideas that stupid people think will save the world” scale. Honestly…these people with their hybrid SUVs that get 26 miles/gallon…are they being serious? Show me a feasible hydrogen-powered car, and I’ll call you an innovator). I’m only fluent in one language (four years of Spanish and nothing to show for it). I don’t buy organic food (too expensive).

I don’t even own a Mac…

Oh wait, yes I do! In fact, I’m writing on it right now!!! I guess there was no point to this post, other than to let you know that I’m extremely excited about my new MacBook (which you could probably tell because of the unprecedented use of multiple exclamation points).

Sorry all, I’ll try to be less self-serving next week.

Thanks for reading.

To respond to Cassel’s final comments on last week’s post: I think it’s absurd that Obama is getting slammed for saying he would be willing to talk with reviled leaders such as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, and Fidel Castro (or I suppose now Raul). These men, and the countries they lead, pose a threat to the global community and there is simply nothing to gain by refusing to meet with them. It will only serve to further alienate and radicalize them (and sanctions hurt the people, not the governments).

I understand the idea is to force them to make concessions before we will come to the table, and we hesitate to legitimize their governments by paying them official visits. But we need to face the fact that they don’t really care if America legitimizes them. Years of mismanaged public relations have cost us our moral authority, and while we remain a power player, we are no longer the sole global superpower we once were. It’s amazing how much ego gets in the way of progress. All of this posturing has the feel of an eight-year-old refusing to invite a friend to his birthday party because of a spat over the last cookie.

It shows that silly partisan politics have a stranglehold on foreign policy. Since when is pragmatism naïve?

The News

Over the weekend I enjoyed a spirited discussion with Cassel concerning the value of news, and I think it would be interesting to get the rest of you dudes in on it.

The conversation started when I mentioned that I was considering going to grad school for journalism, a pursuit I consider noble and important. It’s long been my belief that as living, thinking and functioning members of society, as well as active participants in history, it’s our responsibility (and right) to be socially aware. To this end I’ve made a concerted effort over the last several years to become a tireless consumer of current events, scouring multiple sources daily to educate myself on global injustices, government processes and notable figures. I often find myself lost in a world of bylines and inverse triangle story structure, breaking news and continually updated feeds scrolling across the bottom of my computer screen. At times I become irritable, too busy inhaling policy discussions and opinion polls to take a minute to breath. Too distraught by death and tragedy to live my life in the here and now. And when people around me are oblivious to the world and don’t see the harm in their ignorance, I’m disgusted.

It boils down to this: the news makes me a pessimist. Politicians are lying snakes. People in general are cruel, bigoted, and irredeemable. We’re all fated to die by war or murder or natural disaster or reliance on foreign oil. Every corner of the globe is rife with hatred, greed, jealousy, rage and violence. And I’m in Minnesota, living my life, not saving the world, and too powerless to know where to begin.

Awareness of mass injustices that I can do nothing about only raises my awareness that the world may be utterly hopeless. My righteous indignation, diluted as it sprinkles over the planet, doesn’t save lives, doesn’t right wrongs, doesn’t change the hearts of the oppressors or lift the spirits of the oppressed. My skepticism over the validity of even “just wars” will never end war (I read somewhere that in 3500 years of civilization there have been a mere 230 years of peace). I fill myself with stories of wrongs that I can’t right, that have no outlet. My outrage is internalized, and I fear I may one day explode. I’m like Mr. Furious from the movie Mystery Men (obscure reference alert).

Thus I arrive at this proposition: perhaps ignorance truly is bliss.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading.

Hmmm...

Sorry folks, no post today. I could give you a bunch of excuses (It's a short week, I've been busy, Hillary's dead in the water so my work here is done), but what it really comes down to is I'm just not feeling it.

California Becomes Real Life Musical

The entire state of California spontaneously broke out in song late last week, creating widespread work stoppages, traffic jams and general mayhem that will cost the local economy an estimated $340 million in lost productivity and the government untold time and resources dedicated to the clean-up effort.

Local officials are attributing the unexpected surge of gaiety to a sudden influx of homosexuals, undoubtedly caused by the recent legalization of same-sex marriages. Census takers theorize that following the California State Supreme Court ruling, the entire casts of Cabaret, Rent, Singing in the Rain, and Grease descended upon the state to legitimize their once taboo relationships.

It is widely believed that the musical uprising originated at the Harris/Michelotti wedding, where 27-year-old San Francisco resident Steven Harris allegedly dedicated an emotional gay love song, “The Man of My Dreams,” to his new “bride,” 32-year-old Steven Michelotti, originally of New York. The seemingly innocuous tribute to his man-partner escalated into a snappy, upbeat dance number, at which point he was joined by the wedding party, the priest presiding over the ceremony, and both sets of parents. Before the situation could be contained, the entire audience was gripped by a dance fever that quickly spread to the streets.

As confetti dropped from the sky, limiting the visibility of harried motorists, and the choreographed tap dancing of millions of Californians placed untold pressure on already strained fault lines, some residents worried that their worst fears about the repercussions of homosexual marriage were coming to fruition. “I always knew the dancing queens would overrun this sissy state” grumbled grizzled old Barstow Mayor and humbug-in-residence Bill Winkins, “but I assumed it would be over my dead body.” Mayor Winkins proceeded to rev the engine of his two-ton pickup before speeding away, swerving off the road to run down a kick-line of bejeweled performers.

A final assessment of the damage done by the statewide chorus number is still incomplete, but Governator Schwarzenegger has authorized an emergency task force in hopes of removing the thin layer of glitter coating buildings and roads, designing a plan to disperse the massive rainbow now casting its cheery, ominous shadow over the once smog-filled state, and finding a way to restore the pessimism, resentment and greed that Californians once held dear.

Despite the best efforts of the government to undo their nefarious deeds, the spirits of the big gay mischief-makers remain high: “It’s so exciting to be living in a place where high kicks are socially acceptable” exclaimed 24-year-old Pasadena resident Christopher Casselman as he demonstrated his ability to kick higher than any man ought. “Yippeeee!”

Thanks for reading.

P.S. I came down pretty hard on China in my Boycotting Beijing post. I stand by my original thoughts, but to be fair I think they should be commended for their handling of the recent earthquake disaster in the Sichuan province. They acted quickly and decisively to minimize the tragedy, have accepted aid from countries with whom they have tense relationships (Japan, Taiwan), and have shown the utmost concern and sympathy for their citizens. Kudos.

P.P.S. It was revealed yesterday that Senator Edward M. Kennedy has a malignant brain tumor, and the prognosis does not look good. Senator Kennedy has been a major figure in American politics for over 40 years. Expect a future post…

Tyrannical Stupidity

On May 3 Cyclone Nargis ripped through southern Myanmar, devastating the Irrawaddy Delta and Yangon, the country’s main city. The definitive body count is still sketchy, but most estimates put it in the 30,000 range (the “official” government count is 32,000), with that number potentially escalating into the hundreds of thousands should food and water not expediently reach the hard-hit masses (the UN is now estimating as many as 215,000 deaths should current trends continue, more than the powerful Asian tsunamis of 2004, and are saying the government is drastically and intentionally underestimating the toll).

As villagers struggle to clear debris and the trail of bodies flowing downstream, rebuild their homes and some semblance of normalcy, the oppressive government has done everything in its power to prolong and exacerbate the suffering.

Myanmar has been under military rule since 1962, when General Ne Win staged a coup and toppled the civilian government. Ne Win ruled until 1988, first as military ruler, then as self-appointed president, then as political overlord. The current junta, led by Senior General Than Shwe, took the reigns in ’88, turning over democratic parliamentary elections as a first order of business.

General Than and his cronies are insular, paranoid, and power-hungry. They maintain vigilant watch over media influences and potential dissent. They crush uprisings with brutality and efficiency. Witness, for example, the 2007 protests staged by Buddhist Monks over rising fuel prices. The government’s response was swift and merciless. The military arrested, beat and murdered hundreds of the peaceful spiritual leaders.

Their isolationism has led to what can only be labeled a humanitarian crisis in the country. Thousands have unnecessarily died due to the government’s slow response, leaving many wondering why the military, so quickly mobilized when sent to murder and oppress, is now dragging its feet when asked to help the people it, theoretically, exists to protect. They have cut off the flow of foreign aid to the people by refusing to accept aid workers (there is a standing order to detain foreigners), making it difficult for aircraft carrying necessities to enter the country, and confiscating the few supplies that successfully penetrate the borders.

Their motivations are clear: they want to prevent the democratically-tinged whisperings of westerners from reaching the susceptible ears of their disillusioned citizenry, and they want to make their junta the embodiment of benevolence by acting as the sole faction serving the people. Accepting foreign aid would make the government look weak, unable to provide, and foreign workers would highlight the gross failures of General Than’s “leadership.”

But at these goals they are failing miserably. Most of the country is still without power. Homes that were decimated remain decimated. It has become clear that the confiscated food is feeding the military ranks, with only rotten leftovers reaching the people.

Apparently, General Than needs a primer course in tyranny: to rule with an iron fist the people must, at the very least, be placated. If you can convince the people that your oppressive rule is in their best interest, even better, but the masses must be apathetic: “yes, our freedoms are limited and our dignity is degraded, but we have food, water and a roof over our head.” You must keep them in psychological and physical limbo: weak enough that they live in constant fear of your crushing power, but well-off enough that they’re thankful it isn’t worse.

But the people in Myanmar are now without food, water and shelter. A beleaguered population denied basic necessities is a recipe for revolution. When a man is deluded into thinking he has something to live for: a pathetically low paying job, a meal a day, the illusion that he’s providing for his family, then that man can be made to crawl on all fours like a dog. But when that man is forced to sleep outside in the rain, to watch his children starve to death, then that man realizes there are things far more important than physical preservation. And when many men who no longer fear death converge on a time and place, there will be revolt.

All that remains to be seen is whether the people’s rage will overcome their despondency; whether they can rise above mental and physical trepidation long enough to deal a crushing blow to a weak and arrogant government.

If they don’t, they’re even dumber than the tyrant who fails to grasp even the simplest tenets of tyranny (I wonder if General Than wants to borrow my copy of The Prince…)

Thanks for reading.